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Rated R
Summary: Chakotay is living on Trebus after Voyager’s return. A planetary disaster not only brings his old ship and crew to his doorstep but their presence is also the catalyst that changes his future. This is the 3rd story written for the 2009 ficlet exchange using Tanya’s wonderful first sentence.
Thanks to Kim J for the top notch beta.
Disclaimer: CBS/Paramount owns everything. No infringement intended.
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The rain didn’t stop for fifteen days. The continuous deluge beat down incessantly on the roof of Chakotay’s prefabricated hut, so loud at times that it was almost impossible to hear himself think.
The quenching rains had been welcomed at first. His people - residents of the small settlement on Trebus - had raised their hands to the heavens in thanks when the first leaden drops had fallen onto the parched earth of their home. But that was over two weeks ago and the exaltation had long since turned to despair. The unrelenting downpour had washed away most of their carefully nurtured plantings and top soil, turning the newly formed waterways into rivers of choking mud. What had begun as something so hopeful had ultimately devastated the community and he couldn’t help feeling partly responsible for the disastrous outcome.
It was at his suggestion that the elders had contacted the Federation and petitioned for assistance to break the terrible drought that had held Trebus in its desiccant clutches since the Cardassian attacks almost a decade before. He’d assured his fellow citizens that he could use his notoriety to influence the institution that had abandoned them all those years ago and convince them to help them now. True to his word, the Federation Council had taken only a matter of days to deliberate and had sent aid almost immediately, but the results of the intervention were nothing short of disastrous.
However, they had no one else to blame but themselves. They’d been warned.
The Federation scientists, who’d put forward the tentative proposal of blanketing the lower atmosphere with vapour then seeding the nimbostratus clouds to produce rain, had forewarned them of the unpredictability of the procedure. Chakotay begged the village council to wait and carefully consider the potential risks of implementing the radical scheme but the years of desperation had bred a culture of impatience and they’d vetoed his objections. Not that he could blame them. They’d lived a subsistence existence for so long, toiling daily in almost desert-like conditions with little or no progress. The promise of rain resulting in fertile land and bumper crops had been too great a temptation.
Against his wishes and advice, the council had voted to go ahead with the untried plan.
This persistent and destructive deluge had been the result.
Help was on its way, though. Word had come through that morning that Voyager had been dispatched to deal with the problem but Chakotay wasn’t thrilled to know that his former captain and shipmates were rushing to his rescue. The reunion was bound to be awkward. uncomfortable and certainly not one that he was anticipating with any relish. If luck was on his side, the engineering department would be in charge of the clean up and he might not cross paths with the people he wished to avoid. A voice inside his head guffawed at that idea and he knew that in a few days’ time he was going to be gorging himself on humble pie.
Unlike the destructive rain, his estrangement from his shipmates was entirely his fault.
He’d departed Earth under less than favourable circumstances. His relationship with Seven had come to a timely if inauspicious end - their differences in age and ideals impossible to overcome. It had been doomed from the start and they’d quickly realised the folly of trying to maintain a romantic attachment in light of those differences. The inevitable break up had been a relief for both of them. The trouble had only begun once knowledge of the failed affair had become public. The fact that he’d kept it secret – not telling a soul and insisting that Seven do the same – had angered and hurt his closest friends. His justification had been that it was his life and what he did with it was none of their business, but in truth, he hadn’t known how to tell them. He was well aware that allowing the relationship to evolve in the first place had been a mistake and he knew he’d looked foolish – a middle aged man with a girl half his age was the oldest cliché in the book. He was reluctant to confront his colleagues’ derision, pity and possible ridicule. So as soon as debriefings were over, he’d skulked off to Trebus without a word to anyone.
Within hours of his hurried departure, B’Elanna had sent him a scathing communiqué, berating him for his cowardice and calling him every ear-bleedingly brutal Klingon epithet she could think of. She’d cursed him for treating them all so appallingly and admonished him for making such a spineless retreat. He’d stoically taken the abuse knowing that he deserved every word of it but he hadn’t tried to repair the damage and now dreaded the impending confrontation. Thoroughly ashamed of his behaviour, he was uneasy about seeing his shipmates again.
His deepest worry was that he’d left it too long to mend the fractured relationships he’d left behind.
Over the past several months, he’d tried hard not to think of Voyager or anyone associated with it but he’d failed miserably. His dreams were constantly filled with the faces of his shipmates and his idle mind was obsessed with thoughts of how they were faring and what they were doing.
At one point, he’d weakened and used the settlement’s sole communication console to scour the newsfeeds and Starfleet press releases for any information on Voyager and her crew. It was then that he’d learned of the ship’s refit and that Kathryn was again captaining Voyager with almost all of her original crew. There were several holoimages of her flanked by Paris, Kim, Tuvok, Seven, Ayala, Torres and others. It had been like a gut punch and he’d stared breathlessly at the images for several minutes before stabbing at the off button so forcefully that he’d damaged the console. Overwhelmed by this grievous pang of homesickness, he wasn’t sure what else to do but take out his frustrations on the hapless machine.
That had been six weeks ago and from that moment on, he’d been a man possessed, barely able to keep on task, finding himself wandering aimlessly through the settlement, his mind in a constant loop of sadness and yearning.
Then the rains had come, disaster had ensued and now Voyager was on its way.
He had two days to prepare himself for its arrival and decide how he was going to greet everyone. In an attempt to buffer his emotions, he’d begun to envisage scenarios in his mind, imagining everything from being disembowelled by a bat’leth-wielding B’Elanna to being completely ignored by everyone.
Nothing could have prepared him for what actually happened.
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The day arrived - day seventeen of the rains - and he and the council of elders gathered in the settlement’s ‘meeting house’. It was little more than a large lean-to but it was under cover and dry. He’d worn his best buckskins, a loose fitting sleeveless shirt and his hair slicked back into a short braid. His arms were bare and revealed the new tattoo that he’d acquired on his return – an elaborate patterned banding around his bicep.
Surrounded by his fellow elders, he waited for Voyager’s away team to arrive.
His thoughts took him step by step through the away team’s preparations. In his mind’s eye, he walked with them through the familiar corridors to the transporter room and could almost hear the ‘hiss’ of the doors as they opened and closed. He followed them up the two steps to where they took position on the transporter pads, members of the team waiting until Kathryn gave the nod to the transporter chief. In an instant, they would dematerialise in a tingling shimmer of blue.
In any moment, they would appear before him. He held his breath.
Suddenly the air shifted slightly and the shimmer of the transporter beam began to coalesce into two forms in front of him. As they appeared, his breath escaped him in a whoosh.
Kathryn, with B’Elanna by her side, materialised an arm’s length away.
Spinning around, B’Elanna quickly scanned the assembled elders. Her eyes lit upon him and grinning she threw herself into his arms. She hugged him fiercely before pulling back. “God, it’s good to see you. We’ve missed you so much, old man.”
He could see tears shimmering in her eyes and he had to force words past a painful lump in his throat. “It’s good to see you too, B’E.”
Squeezing his arms tightly, she gave him a shake. “Don’t you ever run away again.”
He nodded but he’d been rendered speechless, his emotions getting the better of him.
While he tried to rein in his galloping heartbeat and regain some measure of control, his eyes drifted past B’Elanna’s shoulder to meet Kathryn’s gaze. Her look was pensive and her eyes gently questioning.
Time seemed to stand still, their gazes held until whatever answer she was looking for she saw in his features, her face breaking into a beaming smile. In response, he found himself having to make a conscious effort to inhale and exhale. He’d forgotten how blue her eyes were and how her smile lit his soul. Unable to drag his eyes away from her, he smiled tentatively and spoke in a gruff whisper.
“Hello, Kathryn.”
Her smile broadened as she answered with a warm and husky. “Chakotay.”
Several more loaded moments passed between them before she dragged her eyes away from him to speak to Tokala, the chief elder of the tribe. Bowing her head respectfully, Kathryn addressed him.
“Chief Tokala, I bring greetings from Federation President Zife.”
Although well into his eighties, Tokala was an imposing man – handsome, broad-shouldered and regal.
Returning Kathryn’s bow, he welcomed her. “Thank you, Captain. We are grateful for your presence and to the Federation for their assistance. If there is anything that we can do to help in your mission, you have only to ask.”
Kathryn looked pointedly towards Chakotay and then returned her attention to the Chief. “If you could spare Chakotay, we could use his help with the implementation of the dispersion technology.”
Tokala’s eyes darted towards Chakotay and narrowed for an instant.
Chakotay knew that the astute elder was well aware of his history with Kathryn and Voyager, and would have to be blind not to recognise the tension between them now. It was palpable.
Without hesitating, Tokala smiled and acquiesced to the request. “I’m certain that Chakotay would be more than willing to assist you, Captain. He is at your disposal.”
‘Disposal?’ Chakotay was assailed with visions of him being ejected from Voyager’s waste system into open space. He wondered for a split second if that was her plan.
Kathryn turned to him again and almost as though she could read his mind, her eyes sparkled with suppressed laughter before she addressed the Chief. “Thank you, Chief Tokala, that is very gracious of you. If you will excuse us however, we should get started. I’ll leave Lieutenant Torres here to explain what the procedure entails and, if all goes to plan, you should have clear skies by tomorrow.”
“Spirits willing. Thank you, Captain.”
She smiled and then turned to Chakotay. “Are you ready to beam aboard or did you want to collect a few belongings?”
Chakotay bristled slightly and his eyes hardened at her presumption that he would simply follow her without question.
Her reaction was to quirk an enquiring eyebrow and chuckle quietly. Stepping forward, she took his arm and muttered. “I think we should get you to the ship before you change your mind.” She tapped her combadge. “Voyager, two to beam up.”
B’Elanna smiled and waved as the transporter beam caught them and in a heartbeat, they materialised in Kathryn’s quarters.
He glanced around the room then looked at her questioningly. “Either the transporter room’s been redecorated or I’ve been kidnapped.”
Without relinquishing her hold on him, Kathryn gave him a lopsided smile then tapped her combadge. “Janeway to Tuvok, I’ve met with Chief Tokala and we have the go ahead. You can begin deploying the probes and once they’re in place, target the upper atmosphere with the dispersion matrix.”
“Aye, Captain. The probes are being deployed.”
Chakotay could hear several hollow thuds as the mechanisms were ejected from the ship. The comm. line was still open and Tuvok inquired, “Captain, do you have the Commander with you?”
Still smiling, Kathryn eyes remained fixed on Chakotay’s. “Yes, he’s here.”
“Welcome aboard, Commander.”
Chakotay held her gaze and answered. “Thank you, Tuvok.” There was a telling pause before he added. “It’s good to be back.”
“Undoubtedly.” There was a longer pause and then Tuvok’s dour voice intoned, “The probes are in place and the dispersion matrix has been activated. The cloud cover will begin to defuse almost immediately at a rate of approximately point five of a percent per minute.”
“Thank you, Tuvok. Carry on.” Kathryn took Chakotay’s elbow and urged him over to the viewport. “If there are no problems, we should have clear skies in a little over three hours. You can see it from here.” She pointed to the grey planet below. “There, that’s where your settlement is and you can already see the clouds are thinning.”
He watched for a moment then turned towards her. “Thank you.”
Kathryn nodded. “You’re welcome.”
They were standing very close but Chakotay felt as though there was an insurmountable distance between them. There was so much that he wanted to say but he wasn’t sure where to begin. He had to try, though. Fists clenched, he made a start. “I meant what I said; it is good to be back. I’ve missed the ship.”
“Only the ship?”
“Do you want the truth?”
“Haven’t we always been truthful with one another?”
He paused before he answered, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Is that a trick question?”
Kathryn’s mouth twisted into a wry smile. “It’s not meant to be and I’d like to think that over the years we’ve at least been honest with each other – about most things.”
She was right, except for some glaring exceptions they’d always told one another the truth but even so, Chakotay wasn’t sure where to begin – perhaps at the end was best. “I’m sorry.”
“Whatever for?”
“For not telling you about Seven and me, and for leaving without saying good bye.”
Kathryn shrugged. “If I could have run away, I would have, too. You were just quicker off the mark than I was. And as for Seven – that was your business, not anyone else’s.”
“That’s not quite how B’Elanna saw it.”
“She’d just given birth and was a geyser of hormones at the time. I know she regrets her outburst and blames herself that you stayed away.”
“It wasn’t her fault.”
“Was it mine?”
He hesitated for a split second before he shook his head, but he knew that she’d noticed.
She blinked slowly and sighed. “I thought as much. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not what you think.”
Kathryn’s body language changed and she stiffened defensively. “How do you know what I’m thinking?”
“I can guess but I’d like to explain.”
“Certainly, go ahead but I doubt it’s going to make any difference.”
His heart skipped a beat. His worst fears were being realised. She would never forgive him for what he’d done - not that he could blame her.
But then again, it wasn’t entirely his fault either. She’d been no walk in the park over the time that he’d known her and she’d made both their lives decidedly difficult at times. She had a hand in their estrangement – it had been her regulations and parameters that had kept them apart all those years. Neither of them was without guilt for the breakdown in their relationship but his actions had been the final nail in the coffin of what had been one of the most fulfilling friendships and deepest loves of his life.
Grappling with his feelings of guilt and also trying to maintain some degree of pride, his voice took on an unintended harshness. “I’m not going to make excuses for myself, Kathryn.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
She was disconcertingly calm, which made him edgy and defensive. “What do you expect?”
She gave a slight shrug, her eyes never leaving his. “Anything that you’re willing to give.”
His voice was louder and more strident that he’d intended. “In return for what?”
Suddenly, Kathryn didn’t look so confident. Her voice wavered. “For me.” Stunned he watched as she tensed then visibly swallowed before whispering. “If you’re still interested.”
His whole body jolted but once again, he lost the power of speech and had an awful feeling that his legs were going to go out from under him. He stuttered an incoherent, “You!? But… I… wha…whe…”
Kathryn’s eyes widened and she took a step away - from the madman, Chakotay thought cynically - but as hard as he tried, he still couldn’t get his mouth and brain to work in concert.
They hadn’t seen one another for close to a year but he could clearly read her expression. His hesitance was causing her distress. And just when he felt he could utter a lucid sentence, she gave him a sad smile and held up her hand.
“It’s all right, Chakotay. Please don’t say anything. I couldn’t bear it.” She abruptly turned and made her way to the other side of the room. “I’ll organise for you to be beamed back to the settlement. I shouldn’t have presumed. Another mistake of mine to add to the list.”
She lifted her hand to her combadge but before she could open a channel, Chakotay at last managed to utter a vaguely articulate, “No! I’d like to stay.”
Kathryn’s hand slowly dropped to her side and she turned back to look at him warily. “Are you sure?”
He took a couple of steps in her direction. “Surer than I’ve been about anything that has happened over the last year.” Without waiting to see her reaction, he took three more strides towards her and pulled her into his arms. “Oh, and I’m more than interested.”
As he felt her arms wind around him and her head tuck into his shoulder, he smiled and hugged her tighter. Her warm breath caressed his neck and as it did so, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. The knot of tension that had held his heart in its strangling grip for so long loosened and he breathed deeply for the first time in what seemed like eons.
They stood like that for several minutes until Kathryn muttered quietly. “If you’re haven’t got anything too pressing to return to, I have a vacancy for a First Officer.”
He stiffened again. “No.” He couldn’t believe that after finally arriving at this point she would again condemn them to that purgatory.
Kathryn barely moved but stroked her hands up and down his back. “Perhaps you’d better hear the job description first before you decline the offer.”
“Job description?”
“From now on, there will be no parameters or regulations in regard to personal relationships. And in accordance with these new guidelines, the First Officer’s quarters have been incorporated into the Captain’s, I’ve made room in my closet and I’ve even installed a bigger bed. Are you sure you’re not interested?”
He suppressed a delighted smile and pulled back to properly gauge her reaction. “Are these perks for anyone who applies?”
Kathryn’s eyes crinkled as she grinned. “Only broody individuals with tattoos.”
His face broke into a broad smile. “In that case, I accept. When do I start?”
Kathryn glanced towards the viewport then turned back towards him with a bold smile. “In three hours. How does that sound?”
His eyes narrowed. “And when are you due back on the Bridge?”
“As luck would have it, in three hours time.”
“I think I can work within the confines of these new regs. They seem very accommodating.”
“I’m glad you think so. I had you in mind when I gazetted them.”
His eyebrows rose. “Really? I’m flattered.”
“Don’t be. It was either that or hijack a starship to bring you home. This was easier and a lot less likely to land us in the Brig.”
“You’d have done that?”
“If not me, then someone else on the crew would have done it. We’re in this together - all of us - and until we had you back in your rightful place, we weren’t complete.” The smile faded from her face and her eyes brightened with a hint of tears. “You were missed by everyone and I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re home.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Tempted to tell her that wherever she was, was his home but not wanting to sound completely pathetic, he kissed her instead – fiercely. And when he pulled back the tears had gone from her eyes, replaced by a look that he’d never seen before but it was one that he would never forget.
Taking his hand, she pulled him towards the bedroom. “We have two hours and fifty minutes left for me to enlighten you on the particulars of these new regulations.”
Delighted by the turn of events, he teased. “Do I need to take notes?”
“That’s entirely up to you but as long as I have your full and undivided attention, I think we should be able to muddle through the basics.”
“I leave myself in your capable hands then, Captain.”
They were beside the bed now and without pause, Kathryn unzipped her jacket, shrugging it off her shoulders and dropping it to the floor. She kicked off her boots and began to undo the fastener on her pants before nodding in his direction with a pseudo-serious look. “In your own good time, Commander; there’s a lot to cover.”
His head dropped back for a moment and he laughed before he met her eyes again. “Noted.” Grinning from ear to ear, he began to unbutton his shirt and buckskins.
Kathryn pointed to his leather pants. “Oh, and stow those somewhere safe, we might need them later.”
He raised a questioning brow.
A light blush tinted Kathryn’s cheeks. “Let’s just say that they speak to the inner me.”
He grinned. “Really? I’ll definitely make a note of that.”
“That’s what I like to hear - a conscientious learner and someone who demonstrates initiative - you’ll go far, Commander.”
By now, they were both naked and Chakotay ducked his head as he took a small step towards her. “This is as far as I need to go to be where I want to be.” And without another word, they fell into each other’s arms.
They both groaned as skin met skin for the first time.
Her hands wove through his hair, tugging his braid loose as her lips found his and they tumbled onto the bed.
Chakotay’s life had come full circle – back to the woman he loved and who had held his heart from the moment her face had appeared on the viewscreen all those years ago. He marvelled at the intricacies of life’s plan – the vagaries of circumstance and the quirks of fate that had led them to this moment in time – to this place where they were meant to be.
She opened herself to him, yielding without question and welcoming him into her body - all softness and pliant flesh – and after he entered her, he held them still for several heartbeats. This was something that he wanted to remember; something he wanted to imprint indelibly on his memory - this moment of profound resolution – this precious moment in time when they’d become one.
In the years to come and for the rest of their lives together, he wanted to savour this moment. He wanted to be able to bring it to life in those inevitable instances when trouble would find them and doubt would hold them hostage. In those moments, he would grab this memory and wrap it around his heart, blanket them both in it and remind himself of the battle they’d fought and won to get here. The searing and all-encompassing love that they’d carried in their hearts for all these years. A love that had split them open, then apart, to return at last, to weld them together for life.
Kathryn cried out quietly as she came. Her body pulsing around his, straining and throbbing in time with his heartbeat and at the height of her climax, she called out to the universe that she loved him. He was lost. Body straining, he held her in a crushing embrace, wanting to drag her inside him, to immerse himself entirely within her being and never let her go. In a pulsing rush he came, filling her as she’d always filled him.
Sated, they lay together, touching and caressing as they learned the feel and textures of one another’s bodies. They kissed, their lips trailing over faces, necks and shoulders as fingertips drifted over the dips and plains of this unchartered yet, in many ways, familiar territory.
Kathryn traced the pattern of Chakotay’s new tattoo and looked up at him questioningly. “I assume this means something.”
He glanced down at the intricate pattern that wove its way around his upper arm and smiled warmly. “It signifies a journey; of life, of love and of the body and spirit. It is never ending and each part of the journey is intricately intertwined with the other.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“I’m glad you think so. Much of it is representative of you.”
“Me? How?”
“When I left Earth and returned to Trebus, I asked our shaman to ink a tattoo as a means of bringing closure to that part of my life. He agreed but insisted that I tell him my story so that the spirits would guide his hand. I told him of my time on Voyager, of you and our travels.” Chakotay rolled over slightly and pointed to his tattoo. “This is what he saw in his vision and see the red colour that weaves its way through the pattern, binding the whole thing together?” he looked up into Kathryn’s eyes. “That’s you.”
Kathryn touched the vibrant dashes of red that wound in and out of the complex design. She met his gaze, then kissed him gently. “I’m certainly entangled in your life.”
He smiled and nodded. “Very entangled, in fact, an integral part of it. According to the shaman, you are my incinupa cante. ”
Kathryn shook her head, not understanding the words. “Incinupa cante?”
Chakotay spoke quietly. “My second heart - the one that beats in unison with mine.”
Placing her hand on his chest, she smiled. “I know it almost as well as I know my own.”
“You should, it has belonged to you from the moment we met. You pressed your hand against my chest to stop me lunging at Paris and the connection was instantaneous; like a lightning bolt.” Chakotay grinned. “Tom was in no danger; I couldn’t move a muscle.”
“I remember and wondered what on earth I’d gotten myself into.” Kathryn stroked her fingers over the few sparse hairs then leaned down and kissed his chest. Looking up again, she smiled. “And here we are at last.”
Chakotay heaved a happy sigh. “At last.”
They made love again, slowly but with an intensity of feeling that left him breathless. Watching her as she leaned over him, powerful, beautiful and in control; she drew him with her towards a shattering climax. As their bodies collapsed against one another’s, he marvelled again at the capricious nature of life but also the steadfast and resilient bonds of loyalty and devotion. Their course was now set and no matter what had happened in other timelines and existences, this was where they were meant to be in the here and now - living this life and looking towards a future filled with love and adventure.
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The mission was a success.
A little over three hours later, as Tuvok predicted, the clouds cleared and the Dorvan sun was shining on Trebus.
There was jubilation and much relief amongst the villagers.
Tuvok and Seven had spent the morning studying the likely outcome of the disaster and the long-term effects for Trebus and its population. Their results were heartening and extrapolating from the data available they were able to reassure Chakotay that even though the deluge had wreaked havoc, the rivers and lakes were now filled and as a consequence, a natural evaporation/precipitation cycle would be established. The upshot being that the drought was over and there were gentler times ahead for Trebus and its people.
Later that day, both Kathryn and Chakotay transported to the planet. The smiling faces of Trebus’ ruling council greeted them under blue skies. Chief Tokala extended his heartfelt thanks to Kathryn and her crew, and asked that she relay his gratitude to the Federation President and its council. She promised to do so and added that they were pleased to have been able to help and welcomed the opportunity to renew the bond between the inhabitants of Trebus and the Federation.
Tokala had looked at Kathryn and smiled. “Some bonds cannot be denied.” He then turned to his fellow tribesman. “You are leaving us, Chakotay. I wish you well in your travels.” Closing his eyes, he touched the younger man’s forehead with his fingers. “The thunder has gone from your brow and the light is again in your eyes. Your heart has found its peace and you are where you are supposed to be.” He opened his eyes and held Chakotay’s gaze for a long moment then smiled. “Kolopak would be pleased.”
Tokala then turned to Kathryn and pressed his fingers to her forehead. “Kathryn Janeway, with your children and your children’s children may you face the wind and walk the good road into the quiet of the day.”
Kathryn smiled. “Thank you, Chief Tokala.” She glanced at Chakotay standing by her side. “We go with your blessing.”
He picked up both their hands, laid them over one another’s and cupped them between his own. “Be joyful and live a life of which your ancestors would be proud.”
Stepping back from the pair the Chief nodded once more to Chakotay.
Taking one last look at his home planet and with Kathryn’s hand still tucked firmly in his, he tapped his combadge. “Voyager, two to beam up. Energise.”
Together, they vanished in a shimmer of blue.
Fin.
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